Football

This Week In Hyperbole: My Favorite Team Is Going To Win The Super Bowl With Leonard Fournette

This is a weekly article focusing on hyperbole and (over)reactions to the latest NFL news.  

Days since the combine ended: 39

Days since free agency opened: 36

Days until the NFL draft: 13

Days until the first preseason game: 112

Days until Week 1 kickoff: TBD

THE AFC EAST

The Patriots will trade pick backup quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo to the 49ers for the No. 2 pick so they can draft Lousiana State running back Leonard Fournette.

Or they will trade Garoppolo to the Browns for pick 12 so they can draft Fournette.

Or they will get the Saints’ No. 11 pick because New Orleans signs New England cornerback Malcolm Butler, who has a first-round tender.

That’s Bill Belichick’s style. The last RB he drafted higher than the fourth round was Shane Vereen in the second. He also selected Stevan Ridley in the third round of the 2011 draft. He has drafted one RB total in the five drafts since.

I own so much fucking Matt Forte, this better not happen.

We are through three teams and we already have him going with the No. 2, 4, 6, 10, 11, and 12 picks.

We’re going to need Daniel Day Lewis’ character from Gangs of New York to chop this fat bastard up.

Yes, this would be beyond stupid. Unless it’s two of the three that are expected to get taken in the first round, then… maybe.

AFC NORTH

Geez, EJ.

These were actually tough to find. There were no tweets saying trade Le’Veon Bell for a top-five pick to take him. I’m actually really sad and disappointed.

The question is probably if he makes it to nine.

You may want to chill with drafting Jeremy Hill in the 8th round of MFL10s.

It’s crazy to think about Ray Rice being two years younger than Matt Forte and four years younger than Frank Gore. 

The starting running backs for Baltimore in the last three seasons have been Justin ForsettBernard PierceBuck Allen, and Terrance West. The next time Kenneth Dixon starts a game will be his first, and it won’t be until at least Week 5, because he’s serving a four-game suspension.

AFC SOUTH

The Jaguars are the most popular choice for where Fournette will actually be drafted, and Stuart here has the right idea, because it’s the exact same situation as the Cowboys last season. (Don’t listen to that grouch Alfie.)

I actually love this idea, no sarcasm (the second one, not that first one). Except the using the No. 5 pick on Fournette part, because that’s very anti-Vizian.

Remaining contracts of those involved:

Richard Sherman 2-years/$22M

DeMarco Murray 3-years/$19M

Derrick Henry 3-years/$3M

Jalen Ramsey‘s contract last year as the fifth overall pick was 4-years and $23.4 million, which will be just under the contract that this year’s fifth overall pick gets.

The Colts fans are a particular kind of incorrigible, and really don’t get their due reputation-wise alongside fan bases like the Jets and Eagles.

At pick 15, the Colts may have the lowest pick where fans might still realistically believe they won’t have to trade up to get Fournette.

Never mind, Texans fans think he could fall into the range where teams who made the playoffs pick.

AFC WEST

Oh yeah, Trevor Siemian is going to get you the kind of pick you need to draft Fournette. This is spot on.

Why would they trade down? They’re only two years removed from trading up to draft Melvin Gordon. They need Fournette at seven. In fact, they may need to trade up!

Poor Spencer Ware.

Al Davis would approve.

NFC EAST

Did he see Eli Manning play football recently?

If I’m following the tweets correctly, which I obviously am, the Eagles may have traded Sam Bradford on a 1-year contract for literally Jim Brown.

Totally realistic and plausible scenario.

Dan Snyder has done crazier things, don’t rule it out.

NFC NORTH

The last time the Packers drafted an RB in the first round it was Darrell Thompson, in 1990.

The Bears just hit what may be the best late round RB pick in the last decade, so them taking Fournette with pick three makes a lot of sense, because they have no other holes on their roster.

Latavius Murray was the overall RB10 and RB13 the last two seasons, and the Vikings signed him to be Fournette’s backup, clearly.

I have no idea what this guy is talking about, but I absolutely love him.

NFC SOUTH

Market share of what, you ask? I have no idea either.

If it’s not the Jaguars at four, and no one trades up, this makes the most sense. (Again, not sarcasm. Sorry, I know it’s confusing.)

Halfway there, Colin!

Had to go back to 2016 to find those. Falcons fans are smart, who knew.

NFC WEST

After drafting C.J. Prosise in the third round last season and signing Eddie Lacy last month, yes, I also think this, Jonathan.

We have confirmed here today that Falcons fans are more reasonable people than Cardinals fans.

If you have two top-ten RBs, you don’t have any. That’s what they always say.

And there it is. All 32 teams not only need to, but will draft Fournette. The scouts, fans, and media all agree. Lock it in.

You got all that?

Good. Now fire off those taeks, and if they’re smart enough, maybe I’ll see you in this column next week.

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By 14Team Mocker | @14TeamMocker | Archive

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