The Wideout Report: Week 10, Dez Bryant, and “Private Idaho”
For the last month or so I’ve done Tuesday rundowns of all the wideout situations. I’m doing the same thing this week. Also, since I’m not omniscient, check out RotoViz’s Buy Low Machine and WR GLSP Projections. Here we go.
If Dez Bryant was a pseudo-buy-low candidate after Week 9, isn’t he even more so after Week 10? And he’s on bye in Week 11. Think about that: Dez’s last good game was in Week 8, which means that by the time Week 12 comes around his owners will be looking at a month-long stretch of fantasy uselessness. Now is the time to apply as much pressure as possible on those owners who are wavering on Dez. He’s still a top-10 WR. Yes, Dez scored only 4.4 pts in Week 10. You know who thinks that’s a good week? Kenny Britt.
After Week 8, I said this: “Kenny Britt caught zero passes this week. That the Titans were on bye is merely coincidental.” Exactly.
Dwayne Bowe caught zero passes this week. That the Chiefs were on bye is merely coincidental. [It’s not really plagiarism if you’re stealing from yourself. Because it’s your dog.]
[Alternative Version] If A.J. Jenkins got some playing time, would KC’s offense look any worse?—and can we actually call it “playing time” when what’s happening on the field looks more like a Marlovian massacre than an organized game?
My Question: “What do the Panthers really have to lose by giving Marvin McNutt some playing time?”
Your Answer: “How about some real-life games, you arrogant douche.”
My Response: “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Just remember—Jonathan Baldwin also caught one TD pass in his rookie year.
Roddy White just turned into 2008 Marvin Harrison. Unfortunately for the Falcons, Matt Ryan is no Peyton Manning, Harry Douglas is no Brandon Stokley, and Reggie Wayne is on IR. Metaphorically. And I guess literally.
I told you so. I’m not above gloating. I’m not below it either.
Over his last 3 contests, Calvin Johnson has averaged 28.2 standard pts/g. If you had a start-up draft to a dynasty league this fall and Megatron wasn’t the first player off the board, then someone probably made a mistake.
Last week I said this: “Just think of Riley Cooper as 2008 Kevin Walter and DeSean Jackson as shrunken 2008 Andre Johnson. One’s a starter; the other pretends to be.” Here’s what I forgot about 2008 Walter: He was actually a startable player.
Week 10 wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. Scott Tolzien is actually probably an upgrade on Seneca Wallace. In my recent piece on Case Keenum, I noted that Keenum is in a particular peer group of 25 college QBs (2003-2012) to hit certain high statistical benchmarks in their final seasons. Twenty of these QBs have started at least one NFL game, and in general this subgroup of starters is solid. Tolzien was one of the five QBs never to start an NFL game. In Week 11, he’ll get his first NFL start. I’m not saying that he’ll be Case Keenum—but he shouldn’t be Seneca Wallace either.
Through Case Keenum’s 3 starts, Andre Johnson and DeAndre Hopkins are averaging 21.8 and 8.6 standard points. Although Keenum is 0-3, I think he’ll be the starter for the rest of 2013. Say hello to Tyler Thigpen 2.0.
You know that one guy who hasn’t changed his starting lineup since Week 1? Tavon Austin just made him a winner and the rest of us losers.
Last week I jokingly encouraged you to pick up Marcus Easley. I used the “I’m serious about having sex if you’re serious about having sex” technique. This week, I’m just telling you to pick him up. Steve Johnson and Robert Woods are injured, and T.J. Graham and Marquise Goodwin are small. Easley is healthy and big. He could be 2009 Miles Austin.
The irony is that, if he had a better QB with a stronger arm, A.J. Green probably wouldn’t have caught that Hail Mary from Andy Dalton (on a pass that in reality wouldn’t have reached the end zone if not for its being tipped). Imagine what this guy could do if he weren’t playing with Matt Schaub 2.0.
Week 10 looked like Weeks 5-9 looked like 2011.
Over their last five games, Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Floyd have been similar players. Fitz has 7.0 pts/game, with 3 games under 5 pts. Floyd has 6.9 pts/game, with only 1 game under 5 pts. So in point totals, they’re comparable; in consistency, Floyd has been superior. Do with this information what you will.
The Thomases Demaryius and Julius destroyed me this weekend. I’m too distraught even to make a snide comment about Wes Welker. Sort of. If you can trade Welker for Decker in dynasty leagues, you should.
Last week, I said this: “If you think that Philip Rivers’ (predicted) resurgence will continue (I do), it then follows that someone besides TEs and RBs will catch passes from him—and that guy is Keenan Allen. If you haven’t bought into the rookie WR’s production, you’re probably costing yourself wins.” Obliviate. Well, now that we’ve erased that memory, let’s move on.
Last week, I said this: “As an NFL franchise, you can survive with Robert Meachem and Lance Moore as your leading WRs when your TE is Calvin Johnson’s twin. Oh, and please don’t mind that smell. It’s just the decaying remains of the receiver who was Marques Colston.” Obliviate. Sorry about that. Won’t happen again.
Obliviate. That’s me erasing the memory of picking up Rishard Mathews before his Week 9 matchup only to drop him before his Week 10 matchup. Obliviate. That’s me magically forgetting that I dropped him for a dude named Griff. Lame, I know. He’s not even anything special, like a hippogriff.
Anytime I go up against Pierre Garcon, I end the weekend feeling like I’ve just lived through My Own Private Idaho—and not the B52s song. Speaking of which, and I ask this with all sincerity and due respect, in a head-to-head matchup of great gay-icon bands, who wins?—Queen or The B52s? I grant that Freddie Mercury was the Liberace of rock, but each of the three original guys in the B52s was gay, and the band also features its own highly attractive “gayboy bunnies” (I’m not a fan of the more familiar term, “f*g h*g”). Yes, Freddie Mercury died of AIDS in 1991 as the first major rock star to succumb to the disease, and so his death was an important event in the history of gay awareness and AIDS—but Ricky Wilson, the original guitarist for the B52s, died in 1985 with AIDS under fairly common circumstances at the time, only telling his friends and band mates (including his sister) of his condition when he was near the end. The oddsmakers may favor Queen, but I think the B52s would keep it tight into the fourth quarter.
Now, let me ask you a question: Have you found what I’ve just said potentially offensive? Do you think it may be wrong for me, regardless of whether I’m gay or not, to speak so cavalierly about gay culture; to trivialize the experiences of a historically marginalized group; and to treat the lives of a socially underprivileged class of people as if they’re the stuff of sport?
Let me ask you another question: How would the situation be any different if I had just talked about not gays but Native Americans? I’m not saying that the name “R*dsk*ns” is definitely wrong (although I think it is)—but I’m saying that, without question, it’s questionable, and that should be enough for almost everyone.
Interested in RBs? Here’s my Week 10 RB Report.