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For the last few weeks I’ve done Tuesday rundowns of all the wideout situations. I’m doing the same thing this week. Also, since I’m not entirely omniscient, check out RotoViz’s Buy Low Machine and WR GLSP Projections. Here we go.

Broncos WRs
Say what you want about Wes Welker. I still say he’s the greatest undersized non-blocking QB-dependent pseudo-TE of all time. Especially if you don’t count Ernest Givens. If you can trade Welker for Decker in dynasty leagues, you should.

Falcons WRs
Julio Jones: Farewell, Aragog. If you can acquire Julio Jones at a discount in dynasty/keeper leagues, do it. He ain’t dead. Roddy White: He might be dying. Harry Douglas: He might’ve faked his own death years ago.

Buccaneers WRs
Vincent Jackson just destroyed me two weeks in a row. I give up. In case you care, Chris Owusu is the #3 WR in Tampa Bay. Owusu is a deep dynasty sleeper.

Is it that time already?

Bengals WRs
Who would you rather have right now? A.J. Green or Josh Gordon?

Browns WRs
Who would you rather have right now? Josh Gordon or A.J. Green? Gordon’s a dynasty building block—and we told you to draft him. Repeatedly. If you can get him in a reasonable trade, do it. Weeks from now, you’ll be the winner. I’m not saying that Gordon will definitely finish the season as the better player, but Gordon is giving you WR1 production. At a minimum, he’s a Green-equivalent receiver. Right now, Gordon has 11.8 pts/game; Green, 13.1. Pretty close.

Lions WRs
If Kris Durham breaks out, I’m fine with him being a guy I didn’t see coming. I just don’t see it.

Bills WRs
Steve Johnson doesn’t suck as much as you think he does—unless you think he’s awesome. Then he sucks more than you think he does.

Dolphins WRs
Brandon Gibson, Brian Hartline, and Mike Wallace? Better your team than mine. [Insert “vomit on my vomit” joke here.]

Patriots WRs
Julian Edelman, Aaron Dobson, Austin Collie, and Kenbrell Thompkins: What if Tom Brady is dragging them down? If you have to start one of the Patriots WRs, Thompkins is my favorite. Brady trusted him when it mattered most in Week 6. He’s playing like 2010 Deion Branch in the BOL Function, and by the end of the season he could be a solid WR2/3.

Jets WRs
I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

[Alternate version] No comprendo la pregunta.

Cowboys WRs
If you can find a delusional Dez Bryant owner willing to trade him on equitable terms, make that trade. Terrance Williams: I understand both the buyer and the seller. As of now, I’m neither.

Eagles WRs
Remember when you flipped out about DeSean Jackson after Week 4, and I told you to start him, and then he went off in Weeks 5-6? Don’t freak out about his Week 7 performance. He’ll have more Week 5-6-esque performances in the future.

Bears WRs
Do you remember when Tim Duncan and David Robinson combined to form the Twin Towers? Say hello to Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery. I think they’re going to get a lot of rebounds for quite a few years. Josh McCown isn’t Jay Cutler, but before Marc Trestman arrived neither was Jay Cutler.

Ravens WRs
Torrey Smith’s 6.1 points from Week 7 aren’t great, but that amount is his realistic floor. His realistic ceiling is 16.1 points, so he’s a guy to start.

Redskins WRs
Are you sure Jordan Reed isn’t a WR who simply runs routes against linebackers and safeties? Another question: Remember when I told you that Ryan Rouillard thinks of Pierre Garcon as a bigger D-Jax? He might say the same about Aldrick Robinson. To me, A-Rob looks like the next WSH Santana Moss.

Rams WRs
Even “Tavon Austin Pettis” sucked in Week 7. And now Sam Bradford has a torn ACL. Avoid.

Panthers WRs
How can Cam Newton be a good QB with Steve Smith, Brandon LaFell, and Ted Ginn as his WRs? Whenever I think, “Marvin McNutt and Tavarres King need to see some action,” then a team’s wideout situation really must suck.

Chargers WRs
I guess that, if you think that Philip Rivers’ (predicted) resurgence will continue (I do), it then follows that someone besides TEs and RBs will catch passes from him—and Keenan Allen seems to be that guy. Eddie Royal? I don’t think so.

Jaguars WRs
I know what to make of Cecil Shorts and Justin Blackmon. They both have cool names. Mike Brown? Bohr-ring.

49ers WRs
Week 7 looked like Week 6 looked like Week 5 looked like 2011.

Chiefs WRs
Two weeks ago I posed this question: “What was the last 5-0 team to have a WR corps this uninspiring?” A reader—sorry I forgot your name, bro—gave this answer: The 2008 13-3 Titans, and maybe the 2006 13-3 Bears. Do you remember the receivers on these teams? Exactly!

[Alternate version] Dwayne Bowe, Dexter McCluster, and Donnie Avery. They start for the Chiefs, but they don’t start for your team, right?

Titans WRs
It’s worked for two weeks: Kenny Britt, Nate Washington, Kendall Wright, Justin Hunter, and Damian Williams. They play for the Titans, but they don’t actually play for your team, right? For what it’s worth, I admit that Kendall Wright is probably a legitimate flex option—for losers.

Seahawks WRs
The hat trick three weeks in a row? Why not! Sidney Rice, Golden Tate, Doug Baldwin , and Jermaine Kearse catch passes (sometimes) for the Seahawks. But they don’t actually catch passes for your team, right?

[Loud applause.] [Bowing.] [Curtain.]

Texans WRs
Case Keenum was better than just decent in Week 7—and in his last year of college in 2011 he completed 71.0% of his FBS-leading 428 passes for an FBS-leading 5631 yards and 48 TDs. His 10.6 AY/A trailed only Robert Griffin III and Russell Wilson’s 11.8. I’m not saying that he’s the next Tony Romo—but he’s better than the average UDFA desperation QB. Against one of the best defenses in football in Week 7, Andre Johnson, DeAndre Hopkins, DeVier Posey, and Lestar Jean all outdid their seasonal averages. The assumption that Case Keenum will hold back his WRs in the future may just make an ass out of you and umption. What’s my assumption? That Keenum could very well start more games.

Vikings WRs
Whatever I just said about Case Keenum, imagine me saying that now about Josh Freeman, except with the word “not” before every fourth word.

Steelers WRs
As I said after Week 4, “Antonio Brown is a WR3 with WR1 upside.” You put up with his Week 7-esque performances because you know that his Week 5-esque performances are far more numerous, with some Week 3-esque performances sprinkled in occasionally.

Cardinals WRs
Over the last three weeks, Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Floyd have been identical players. I grant that Fitz has had mitigating injury issues, but, still, if you don’t have faith in Fitz, trading him for Floyd and another piece may be a strong option.

Giants WRs
Hakeem Nicks: Here’s a little-known fact about Giants. When they die, they don’t fall to the ground. They just sublimate into nothingness. What you saw in Week 7 was a once-proud Giant melting into air. It was really a little sad.

Packers WRs
Here’s what I said last week: “You know the story: You roster Jarrett Boykin in a dynasty league for 5 weeks, knowing that an injury to any of three receivers means instant playing time for him. And then, when the Browns sign Charles Johnson, you think, ‘Some people like Johnson’s potential, and maybe this is the year that no Packers WRs get injured,’ and so you drop Boykin and pick up Johnson in Week 6—and then James Jones and Randall Cob get injured—and you feel like a dumbass. And by ‘you,’ I mean ‘I.’” Here’s what I’m saying this week: “Die, Dan! Die!

Side note regarding Jordy Nelson: I hope you listened to Jon Moore.

Colts WRs
Reggie Wayne: It was only a matter of time. I hope he decides that the chance to play with Andrew Luck in 2014 is worth the effort of rehabbing from his torn ACL. Regardless of anything related to fantasy football, I like Wayne. I don’t remember him complaining once during the Colts’ disastrous 2011 season, and as he’s aged he’s still managed to remain productive. He’s a pro’s pro. He deserves to leave the game on his own terms. T.Y. Hilton: You have a date with destiny. I think you’re ready.

Interested in RBs? Here’s my Week 7 RB Report.

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